At any given moment, one corner of the digital scape questions whether having a partner is embarrassing, while the other welcomes its disarming softness, finding euphoric pride in the art of loving. It’s easier to become blinded by the tempestuous blue light, get lost in the virtual argument and miss the critical nuances at stake. But watered down for the sake of consumption and forged in the space between thumb pads and screens is an essential corporal question: Should we fight for romance or against it?

This afternoon, Anna Cathcart is speaking in defense of the former. Enveloped in a hoodie that is reminiscent of the color of sangria, the 22-year-old Canadian actress shares relationship advice she had once given her older sister.

“Going after [love] is honoring yourself…and listening to your heart, and that’s not something to feel guilty about,” she recalls telling her, who at the time was torn between moving and staying put for a relationship.

“Now that I think about it, it’s a very Kitty way of thinking,” Cathcart admits, her large silver hoop earrings knocking against her straight, dark auburn hair as she meditates.

She’s referring to the eclectic Katherine “Kitty” Song-Covey, the character she’s played since she was 14 years old. The younger sister of the original Jenny Han poster girl, Lara Jean Song-Covey, Kitty was first introduced to pop cultural consciousness with formative Gen Z romcom To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before. The film, adapted by Netflix from Jenny Han’s eponymous novel, has become a cultural touchpoint because of its indulgence in the sweet nostalgia of young love. In To All The Boys, the romance lay in the details: Anna of the North’s “Lovers” blasting on a suburban drive, couples putting their hands in each other’s back pockets, scrunchies wrapped around men’s wrists as acts of territorialism. 

Part of what makes the film so memorable is its refusal to be nonchalant about the touchy-feely. There’s blissful joy in the chalance of diving headfirst into loving someone, and Kitty bears this mark loudly and openly. After all, she was the impetus that set To All The Boys in motion, lest we forget that it was her who mailed Lara Jean’s secret love letters to her five past crushes, unintentionally leading LJ to Peter Kavinsky.

Now, Kitty is writing a story of her own with the series, XO, Kitty. Cathcart says pursuing Kitty’s narrative through television was a conscious means of expanding the original universe, adding that rolling out her history over the course of multiple seasons has not only allowed viewers to grow with Kitty, but has also given Cathcart the ability to take up space in her own exploration of being young. 

“I was learning how to be a little bit more of an adult and step into who I am, and starting to question, what does [it] mean to be myself? What aligns with me? What does love look like for me?” she says of learning to lead the series. “There was a lot of art imitating life, life imitating art.”

With Season 3 fast approaching, Cathcart thinks the empathy she has for her character is as potent as ever, despite herself being slightly removed from Kitty’s age and already having embarked on the tumultuous challenges of her early 20s. She accepts that making mistakes, having regrets, and learning as she goes is at the forefront of both Kitty’s story and her own. I agree: these types of experiences are emblematic of adolescence. It is much more interesting to watch a young, flawed protagonist try and fail than to regard someone who has nothing left to learn. 

And, quite frankly, Kitty can be a lot. At just 16 years old, Kitty transfers to an international school in Korea to be with her long-distance boyfriend. She’s boisterous in her affection, unflinching in her big feelings, and impulsively expressive. 

But that’s exactly it. In her muchness, Kitty (and therefore, Cathcart’s performance) exists to lay bare the paradox of romance. Why is it that Kitty can be written off as “too much” when the Peter Kavinskys and Conrad Fishers of the world achieve virality for their yearning?

Yes, Kitty moves to Seoul because she loves a boy. But, when that doesn’t work out, she also stays to reckon with memories of her late mother, who had attended the same Korean school in her youth. While abroad, she even comes to terms with her bisexuality. Cathcart thinks this detail is crucial to understanding Kitty’s womanhood and unlocking it through art.

“It’s not like she’s making decisions or giving her time because [a partner] wants her to, or because she feels like she has to. It’s because she wants to,” Cathcart says. “She just can’t help herself, and we’ve seen that since she was nine years old in the movies. She’s been like that forever.”

She continues, “Falling in love can be a dream too, and that’s also something worth following,” acknowledging there’s a fine line between coupling to love and to avoid being single. “So much of loving someone is also loving the you you are with them.”

And that’s the difference. Kitty is a romantic not out of need, but of abundance: She’s someone who searches for love because she has so much to give. Such is the nature of the women in the Jenny Han ring, which makes them so captivating, so frustrating, so endearing, so worth rooting for. To All the Boys’ Lara Jean opens herself to Peter because he pushes her out of her comfort zone. The Summer I Turned Pretty’s Belly Conklin chooses Conrad because she’s a better person in his orbit. 

Kitty is probing her own way on that same path, and while Cathcart acknowledges that the teenager still has a lot to learn (“I’ve had moments where I’m like, ‘Girl, what are you doing?’”) she finds herself craving the romanticized glasses Kitty puts on to see the world.

That was especially evident after Cathcart was told she’d be included in Forbes’ 30 Under 30 list this year, saying that her first reaction was to doubt the reality before her: “I genuinely at my root was like, what? Like, why me?... In a weird way, I [wanted] Kitty’s level of delusions… even though, yes, she’s chaotic, and she’s a mess, I envy that of her. That she can just exist.”

Cathcart might not always agree with Kitty, but she knows there’s something magical about stepping into a community of charming women who show up imperfectly and love hard: “When you’re in these spaces… I’m not just portraying a character. I’m giving voice to the project as a whole… and hopefully [audiences] take away some inspiration to live with your heart on your sleeve just a little bit more.”

So, if there’s anything we can gather from Cathcart and the Song-Covey girls, it’s to not just write the love letter, but send it. Move out, stay or come back if you please. Fall in love, fall out of it, and in the process, fall into step with yourself. 

As she waits for audiences to watch Season 3, Cathcart sighs, saying, “I love this career, and I love getting to be an actor. I love getting to explore stories like this.” 

If that’s the case, then isn’t it all romantic? Perhaps the question isn’t whether or not romance is worth fighting for. It’s if we’re brave enough to acknowledge its necessity for self survival. Will we get our hands dirty to forage for each wild bit?

Photographed by Ruben Chamorro

Styled by Andrew Gelwicks at The Only Agency

Written by Julia Zara

Hair: Patrick Kyle at TMG LA

Makeup: Eric Vosburg at Uncommon Artists

Flaunt Film: Mynxii White

Location: The Ned Nomad