Drinking Problems

by Amy Marie Slocum



Drinking Problems

In Wine There Is Wisdom, in Beer There Is Freedom, in Water There Is Bacteria.

What we crave above all else is peace of mind. We achieve this through a three point system: by bottle, by plan, and by beauty.

I. The Bottle

As far as peace of mind goes, Bruichladdich's Scottish Barley The Classic Laddie, feels good going down. An unpeated Islay Single Malt Scotch, The Laddie holds notes of caramel and honey with a backdrop of sweet smoke from the charred bourbon barrels that shepherd it from a pure spirit fresh off the still to the wise whisky in the prime of its life that can be found in the signature sea foam bottle.

II. The Plan

We love it when a plan comes together, and we mean that without cynicism or even a touch of witticism. Robert Burns, the well-meaning Scottish poet and farmer certainly did not mean for his timeless line "The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men/Gang aft agley," to be taken so out of context as to justify the laziness and poor foresight of being unprepared.

Whatever it is that you want out of life, you need to make a plan to achieve that goal. Do you want to make the person you are on a date with your future matrimonial partner? Order a nice bottle of wine, and then another, and then dessert with two shots of espresso enjoyed while you are absolutely honest with this person about your most hilarious short comings. Do you want to land that dream job that you stay up at night thinking about? Practice doing it for free and build up a portfolio and skills and then apply like your life depends on it. Wear a nice suit to the interview and charm the hell out of your future boss. Life is quite simple when you break it down into plans A, B, and C, and don't forget D, it's only the wishing that makes it otherwise.

III. The Beauty

Of course, one cannot plan for all things. You need to take in the view and we mean this in the most metaphoric way possible. The view could come from a nice single malt, it could come from some fresh tulips, or it could come from a slim volume of poetry, like The Road In Is Not the Same Road Outby Karen Solie.

There is some truth in solipsism, but I fear

I'm doing it wrong, standing at the rail for ceremonial cast-offs

thunderously accessorized with Vangelis or "Non, je ne regrette


made irritable by appreciative comments about the light.

In Reykjavík or Cape Town, it's the same. Familiarity

without intimacy is the cost of privacy, security

of a thread count so extravagant its extent can no longer

be detected. Even at capacity, The World is eerily empty:

Yes, bottle, plan, and beauty are our secrets to living a long and happy life, free from distractions like would haves, should haves, and can I have anothers. When one fails, the other inevitably succeeds, and when you combine all three it is perfection.

The Road In Is Not the Same Road Outby Karen Solie is out via Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

The Classic Laddie can be found at fine spirit retailers.

Written by Amy Marie Slocum