Okay, okay. So, a girl walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, “So, what’s it gonna be?” Girl looks up demurely and says, “A drink.” Everybody laughs. Just like they do at that irresistible ABC sitcom, Modern Family, which stars the young babe in fash you see here, SAG-awarded Sarah Hyland, who snaps gum and selfies alike all the live long day under the moniker Haley Dunphy. Hyland, a nerd by all intents and purposes, is into zombies, dragons, Harry Potter, and presumably acting. What else? She’s a human! Here’s more!
You appeared on Broadway; playing Jackie O in the Grey Gardens musical, which closed after 307 performances in 2007. Was any performance more distinct than another?
Wow. 307 performances? So I sang “5:15” way over 307 times? I love theatre. I love singing.
Is there an aspect of your profession that intimidates you?
All I’ve ever wanted to be was successful. Not famous. I’m in a really amazing place in my life where I find it hard to believe it could ever get better. However, I have noticed that social media in today’s world makes it hard for an actress because we’re easily accessible. There’s not as much privacy as there was even five years ago.
What do you imagine a “modern family” will look like for the generation following yours?
[No one] talking to each other unless they’re texting.
What’s your favorite app on your phone?
I use Instagram and Twitter a lot. I’m a very, very opinionated person so it gets me in trouble a lot of the time. That being said, I’m addicted to both of them and I hate it.
What scares you and why?
Big Brother. And have you ever read [about] Big Brother? That’s why.
Intrigued, we turn our attention briefly to Orwell’s 1984. You know the one; dystopian future, Big Brother at the helm of an obsequious society rendered slack-jawed by brightly lit motion picture displays, perhaps, even, bathing in the glow of Hyland’s own monolithic projection. It’s not hard to imagine Hyland herself, the captain of her own telescreens, her own Ministries of Peace, Plenty, Truth, and Love. It’s not hard to imagine these citizens of Hyland’s Oceania—all 829K+ on Twitter, all 621,560+ on Instagram—vicariously combing her broadcast dayorder. It’s not hard to imagine, readers, if you’ll allow us to doublethink, that you yourselves are Big Brother, and Hyland is merely a civilian, pragmatically under your ubiquitous surveillance, though keenly, blazingly lit on her own accord.
Photographer: Zoey Grossman for Artmixcreative.com.
Stylist: Cat Wennekamp for Artmixbeauty.com.
Hair: Luke Chamberlain for thewallgroup.com using bumble and bumble.
Makeup: Lottie for thewallgroup.com.
Manicure: Stephanie Stone for nailinghollywood.com.
Photography Assistant: Charles Grauke.
Digital Tech: Dustin Edwards.
Intern: Alex Kromer.
Beauty notes: Traceless Foundation Stick, Cheek Color in Love Lust, Eye Color Quad in lavender Lust, brow sculptor in Chestnut, and Lip Color in Vanilla Suede by Tom Ford beauty and Pure color nail lacquer in Nudité by Estée Lauder. Thickening hairspray by Bumble and bumble, Royal blowout by Oribe, and Laque dentelle hairspray by Kérastase.