Flaunt Magazine is Proud to Announce The Inaugural FYSTYVL!

by Sid Feddema

The Definitive Guide To FYSTYVL, The Ultimate Luxury Experience

THE PLACE

Situated on the beach-like shores of Isla de Pozo Negro Estéril, our festival grounds are a bold statement in island living. Sleep naked under the stars, or secure for yourself a space in one of our UN-approved tee-pee huts, where no expense will be spared in providing you with a blanket and a mattress. Renowned for its sensual humidity and majestic trade winds, the island is a notorious gem in the Bahamanian crown.

ARRIVAL & ADVENTURE

‘Style’ will be the operative word when you arrive in one of our flotilla of custom jets on loan from renowned Siberia Air. If adventure calls, down by the seaside an entire armada of luxury canoes and pedal dinghies await your arrival, ready for you to get lost out in the radiant pea-green sea.   

THE TEAM

Our co-hosts are the legendary rapper, entrepreneur, philanthropist, artist, model, optometrist, and helicopter pilot EZ-Living-E.Z.A.C., while in the co-pilot chair sits 28-year-old business genius, graduate of the Madoff Investment School, and Forbes 30-under-30 icon Max Lozange. Known for bold speculations on pharmaceutical price gouging and artificially intelligent pencil sharpeners, Lozange insists: “This party is going to be totally great and above board.”

Our ambassadors will be Tier 1 models and social media superstars. Names like Bella Hadid, Emily Ratajkowski, and Kendall Jenner have all implied attendance!  

Photo by Tavallai via Flickr.com

Photo by Tavallai via Flickr.com

LUXURIATE

Our boutique food experience will be prepared by nothing less than Michelin Tire short-order cooks. Pineapples, coconuts, and jungle fever will be the touchstones of an extraordinary gourmet adventure. Sip a cocktail under the partial shade of one of the islands many shrubs, or float in the lagoon-comparable mudflats and snack on a delicious globally-sourced shrimp shishkabob.

Leave your cash at home. FYSTYVL will be reimagining commerce with our Cowrie Currency Shells ©. Each Shell © can be traded via our cutting-edge banking app for the equivalent of either: 12 drinks; 8 meals; 3 massages; or 1 selfie with one of our Tier 3 Celebrity Influencers. Or, why not splash out?! 5 shells © will get you access to a selfie, a handshake, and up to 13 words with one of our elite, 12/10 Tier 1 Celebrities.

INNOVATE

Leave your cash at home. FYSTYVL will be reimagining commerce with our Cowrie Currency Shells ©. Each Shell © can be traded via our cutting-edge banking app for the equivalent of either: 12 drinks; 8 meals; 3 massages; or 1 selfie with one of our Tier 3 Celebrity Influencers. Or, why not splash out?! 5 shells © will get you access to a selfie, a handshake, and up to 13 words with one of our elite, 12/10 Tier 1 Celebrities.

THE SOUNDS

We will bring together the world’s most iconic musicians who will both perform and party near you. Intimacy. Luxury. Living. You will be ILL. Our roster includes: Kanye West. Stevie Nicks. DJ Snake. Rick Ross. MattyB. Barry Manilow. The King’s College Choir. Shania Twain. And, for the first time since their departure from public life, we are proud to present: Aaliyah. The Grateful Dead. Buddy Holly. Jeff Buckley. Elliot Smith. Sid Vicious.