Our tanning oil is primed, and our offshore bank account is sub-primed

by Decoŕte Snipes

To the Isle of St. Martin we go for the SXMusic Festival
Planning the perfect Spring Break can be a daunting task, but picture this: topless beaches, complimentary cocktails, and an all-day house music mecca. How about a side order of mouth-watering French Creole cuisine, yacht parties, and moonlit villas full of sun-drenched potential hook-ups?

From March 9th to 13th, the SXMusic Festival will turn the Caribbean isle of St. Martin into an apocalyptic disco beach-fest. Founder, and island local Julian Prince can’t help but gush about the island takeover, “I’ve had this dream since 2005, but didn’t feel the electronic music industry was robust enough to support a destination festival. Now we have the research and analytics to confirm people will travel.” The music line-up includes artists like Jamie Jones, H.O.S.H, and Lee Burridge. This massive day-into-night event will take place over seven prime locations on the island. According to Prince, attendees should expect a constantly evolving and dynamic presentation that embraces the island’s unique beauty.

SX Music festival expects 2,500 party goers to rip the runway of the second-busiest airport in the Eastern Caribbean, the Princess Juliana (SXM). The runway itself holds the moderately nail-biting record of being 7,152 feet long—less than half the length of many international airports, and with a heck of a low-flying inbound approach for waving royal hellos to the Mai Tai sipping sunbathers on Sunset Beach below.

WHERE THE PARTY AT?

Sunset Beach

A night danced away can be upgraded with amazing sunsets glinting off the ocean on Sunset beach. Partygoers can look disbelievingly upwards to see planes landing/launching just a few feet above. Did we mention that at Sunset Bar & Grill topless women drink for free? Both classy and timeless, nothing says good times like imbibed boobs flying free in a slipstream.

Loterie Farm

This forest retreat is a prestige tropical fantasy, perfectly constructed accordingly to the scenic standards of Rudyard Kipling’s The Jungle Book—roaming wildlife amidst lush waterfalls, infinity pools, raised lounge huts, and wooden platforms with breathtaking views.

Kontiki Beach

Optional clothing isn’t the only thing to rave about at the Orient Bay beach bar, club, and restaurant (sensing a theme?). Rosé, Champagne, and a range of cocktails are available, and if hunger strikes, Kontiki restaurant caters to the food enthusiast. But everyone knows that booze is the new breakfast.

Port De Plaisance Country Club

Yachts! Yachts! Yachts! This gated luxury resort is home to some of the swankiest boats bobbing in the Caribbean. The resort will be open exclusively for the SXMusic Festival.

WHERE TO STAY

The Alexina Dream House is a luxurious 5,000 square foot villa that rests atop slanting land over-looking Happy Bay and the Bay of Grand Case. Catering to groups of six, amenities include; an equipped kitchen with breakfast bar and a formal dining area, four bedrooms, a pool, and an outdoor dining and BBQ area. Cathedral ceilings and modern furnishings come at a high price, but you deserve it. Go ahead and split that bill six ways! Rates start at $643 per night and about $5,900 per week, subject to change.

The Mango, Orient Bay is advantageously situated in the gated area of Orient Bay, and only a short distance from restaurants and shops. The property has multiple four-bedroom rentals with en-suite and a balcony. Rates start at $743 per night.

The Love Hotelis smack dab on the beach in downtown Grand Case. Who knows, given the name of the hotel, prices may not be the only thing you get lucky with during your stay. Recently renovated rooms with a terrace view of the ocean are simple yet chic. Double rooms range from about $108 to $129 per night.

The Mercure Hotel is just minutes from the SXM airport. The Mercure is the base hotel for the festival, and is well-known for it’s range of watersport activities. Never experience FOMO ever again, because you’ll be right in the center of it all. Rates start at $191 per night.

A rental car is recommended for getting around the one road island especially if you’re choice of residence isn’t stumbling distance away.

Since you won’t be needing those pesky clothes, we advise only the essentials—a bottle of advil, birth control, and sun cream (safety first!). Oh and plenty of cash too. And your passport. Don’t forget to bring a towel!

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