Pre-Xmas we ironed decals onto our best alphets, hopped into our Safari Cruiser, and headed over to the Wildfox flagship for a celebration of Wildfox’s “Welcome to the Dreamhouse: At Home with Barbie” collection. DJ Paul Oakenfold spun some sugary tunes as Scott Disick escorted his sister-in-law model babe Kendall Jenner around the pastelled collection. We—in full character submersion—made several attempts to sit down without bending our knees, booked an appointment for a couple of shots of Botox to the ankles, and flirted with some guy named Ken.
For afters we headed South—which is not some euphemism, just our way of saying yes, we did go to Art Basel Miami Beach because we had a lot of important stuff to do. Before the fair began in earnest and before we scooped up a new Anish Kapoor to put above the jacuzzi, we strapped three to a scooter, and cruised across to the Institute of Contemporary Art, Miami where we hosted a Time Capsule party in ICA’s rooftop garden. Palmbomen II provided the music, Flaunt magazine provided the pineapple for tropical drinks, and STK Miami provided the remainder of the noms. P.S. wanna know our contribution to the the Justin H. Long-designed capsule? An AUX cord and an iPod with two mp3s: Arca’s &&&&& Soundcloud download and a “Chakra Cleansing & Activating Guided Meditation” we ripped from YouTube. Onwards! To the Los Angeles Nomadic Division’s 5th Year Gala at the Raleigh Hotel, where we debuted The Frankenstein Issue’s five art covers curated by LAND whilst sipping a little Peroni.
Next, we partied with Van Cleef & Arpels and our buds at The L.A. Dance Project—led by dancer and choreographer Benjamin Millepied—during a benefit for The Wolfsonian-FIU at the Olympia Theater in the Gusman Center. The evening featured a performance of Gems Part II: Hearts & Arrows by the LADP. Artist Liam Gillick designed the set, and the legendary Philip Glass composed the score. Suffice to say, it was a night that provided ample name-dropping for the days to come. Afterwards we feasted on an opulent spread prepped by Daniel Boulud at the Alfred I. DuPont Building.
Then we hosted our own event, the SUBJECT TO CHANGE exhibition at SLS South Beach, in association with JOE’S Jeans and Guy Gerber. Also S/O to collaborators Whitewall Magazine, Institute of Contemporary Art, Miami, and Babël New York. SQUAD. We kicked off the night with a collaborative performance between Gerber and L.A. dance trio WIFE, we showed ten video pieces, and we launched the “Don’t Hold Back” film series created by Patrick Hoelck for JOE’S Jeans. Peroni beers, Snow Leopard Vodka, Avión tequila, and Brugal rum were our weapons of choice. We walked 10 paces, said three Hail Mary’s, and boogied ’til the sun entered our eyes like buckshot.
After sleeping for one full day, we headed down to PULSE Contemporary Art Fair where we felt very cultured. When we finally arrived at the PULSE 10th Anniversary After Party at the Shore Club, we dusted off our wakudoki moves to beats spun by Sam Valenti IV of Ghostly International and quaffed Zacapa Rum Old Fashioneds.
But time is, of course, of the essence, so, whilst desperately clutching our dissolvable B-12 tablets, we headed over to Hublot [new watch alert] as Mr. Brainwash unveiled his latest collaborative collection, Time is Beautiful. We cruised the space, and checked out additional Mr. B artwork: portraits of Eva Longoria, because why not? We heard a few Swizz Beatz tunes, breathed in the salty air, and didn’t glance at our timepieces once. Time is beautiful, yes, but so are Usain Bolt’s speedy stems. We made a note to buy a 100ml bottle of glycerin flecked with gold flakes for our trip home and booked our second appointment for our Botox ankle shots.
On his wonderful album Nothing Was The Same, Drake breezily drops on us one of his favorite places to meet his muses: the Beverly Center. Now we have even more reasons to go: the Jinammi Flagship has opened on the 7th floor. Being the HWTM that we are, we co-hosted the VIP launch, which involved: toasting the Creative Director Jinam Lee with Snow Leopard Vodka cocktails, light aerobic voguing, and huddling around angular platforms, gazing longingly at the objets d’art. Then we scooped up a gift bag, slipped on a Jinammi bracelet, hopped into our Uber, and generously implored Ulag to take whatever route he saw fit.
Pre-Golden Globes we stopped by Hangar 8 in Santa Monica for The Art of Elysium 8th Annual Heaven Gala. We snapped selfies with Marina Abramovic on our Samsung Galaxies and toasted Amber Heard with a tumbler of Grey Goose (to celebrate years of volunteerism and tireless fundraising efforts on behalf of Elysium).
We gave our B-12 bottle a vigorous shake—the pittance left providing a paltry reply—and stuffed ourselves into our best Canadian tuxedo on the way to the Sheats-Goldstein Residence in Benedict Canyon to celebrate the Alexa Chung for AG denim Capsule collection. Warpaint and DJ Myles Hendrik provided the tunes, Gia Coppola provided the cinematic Hyperlapse tips, and Atlanta de Cadenet Taylor showed us the best way to style denim with animal hair.
To balance our cosmopolitan itinerary we headed up (literally) to Park City for the Sundance Film Festival, where we hosted 1OAK Park City in conjunction with Emmet Furla Oasis Films and Tinder. VO|CO provided the coconut water cocktails (that hydration tho) and we danced with our BFAM Emile Hirsch to the sonic ambience of Mel DeBarge.
In early Feb—glitter still sticking to our fingers from our just-mailed valentines—we celebrated the opening of the Bernhard Willhelm and Jutta Kraus exhibit, Bernhard Willhelm 3000: When Fashion Shows The Danger Then Fashion Is The Danger, at the MOCA Pacific Design Center. Pamela Anderson gave a how-to on the perfect cat-eye via the warm glow of one of the videos in the installation, Kelela repped the installation sheathed in BW, and our bud David LaChapelle struck a pose with our other bud Christian Rosa.
Now we’re off to try a variety of elixirs, we hope to emerge wiser, though less physically mature.
Photography: Gesi Schilling, Dimitrios Kambouris for Getty Images, Stefanie Keenan and Chris Weeks for Wire Images, Sam Deitch for BFAnyc.com, Caitlin G. Dennis at caitlingdennis.com, Patrick McMullan and Daniel Torok for PatrickMcMullan.com, Ben Rosser for BFAnyc.com, Jason Merritt/Getty Images for Art of Elysium, Domino Arts, Joe Gato, Tyler Curtis at tylercurtis.com, Chelsea Lauren at chelsealauren.com, and Myles Standish Pettengill III, courtesy The Museum of Contemporary Art, Los Angeles.