Obscene City 136

by flaunt

What's the reason for our truancy?
What's the reason for our truancy? Well, we were snowed in trying to perfect the perfect selfie, having just toasted the 15th Anniversary issue of the same sentiment. That westerly spindrift we call our local breeze danced us over to the SIXTY Hotel in Beverly Hills, where they know us not by name but by our bedroom habits, to applaud the shameless mugs of our many fearless collaborators with our new friends PHHHOTO, who provided, among wicked .gifs, a flipbook to the dark side. We memorized all the rules for Brian Butler’s coven, considered adolescent run-ins with the high dive around the pool, talked camp whittling with on site William Henry knives and fine jewelry specialists, popped 138 water with our The Selfie Issue cover artist David LaChapelle, and spilled a little Tiger beer on our Jil Sander loafers while swooning over Miguel, who told us to go fuck our selfies. Ouch, Miguel. Three days later, we were able to pass our Wednesday sobriety test with flying colors.

Our report card reads F, but who gives one when you're canoodling with denizens of sound poodles over at the Capitol Records Tower, the hallowed stomping grounds of Frank Sinatra, Beastie Boys, and Katy Perry. There we were, knocking back some of the tastiest blended scotch this side of the Atlantic before quadrupling-back, only to triple stack the on-site vinyl decks with In-N-Out Double-Doubles. We shared a hot dog with siren Sam Smith on the way out. We don't even know what the hell this event was!

We then popped by the Maison Martin Margiela store in Beverly Hills for a peek at their Artisanal Collection, whereafter we lounged in white-smocked lazy boys, lazily.

One simply must brave the heat and humidity of that fetid dump, New York, once or twice or a dozen times a summer, but only for the right reasons. We found a reason in the closing dinner of Lina Viktor’s gilded exhibition Arcadia. Gallery 151 hosted the dinner and cocktail service for Viktor’s 24-carat works. Viktor herself was adorned in gold jewelry bands, but it was the white leopard pumps that set our eyes alight, or maybe it was the kickback of that Vitamin B12 shot we got earlier in the day (or perhaps the chaser of colloidal silver in keeping with the heavy metal theme), or perhaps the fistful or lorazapam we crumble into our 'tails whenever we have dinner. On the way home we caught a glimpse of Harmony Korine’s Kids on the plane. “You are fucked up, Korine, GLOT” we thought, and popped an Ambien, dreaming of the fall semester when we partied with our cover star V Hudg’s Spring Breakers co-star Selena Gomez.

Back in Los Angeles we hit up Mack Sennett Studios, also The Selfie Issue cohorts, where Yacht hosted a party announcing the launch of the 5 Every Day app. Our bro Yung Jake performed, we sipped a little ’bucha and toasted new learning and late registration.

We passed the test of summer thus far, so we wined. We Uber’d (black SUV only, duh) our tan asses over to the Sunset Tower for Gia Coppola’s wine launch event. The young Coppola makes her mark on grandfather’s winery, we drank the Pinot Noir until our lips turned purple and we forgot how to pronounce the word ‘malevolent.’ In attendance were our favorite wine blogger Marissa A. Ross, Gia Coppola herself (looking darling), and the legend, Francis Ford Coppola. FFC was surrounded by blondes wanting selfies, otherwise we would kissed him on the cheek thanked him in perpetuum for making the masterpiece, Captain EO.

Photography: Kate Owen, Getty Images for Capitol Records, Chelsea Lauren, Theonepointeight, John Bajana, Getty Images for Vanity Fair, BFA.

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